Holy crap, I’m so excited for this to start. It can’t come soon enough.
Fine, I’ll admit there’s a part of me enjoying gloating about being a short-timer.
“Who wants to volunteer for this?” “Sorry, won’t be around long enough.”
“Does the 26th work?” “Nope!”
“What do you think about our AI strategy?” “Don’t care! (Btw, it 1000% sucks)”
Since I notified everyone those in my orbit earlier this week, there have been a
bunch of conversations that have common themes:
“What will you do?”
“What happened? Why now?”
“Will you come back?”
And the answers are easy:
“Nothing”
“Nothing in particular”
“No idea”
And they may seem like glib, dismissive answers, but they’re actually true.
Although the extra time will afford me the ability to get into excellent shape physically, I really do intend to have zero intellectual plans for a while. You know that feeling you get after you’ve been on vacation long enough that you have no idea what day it is? (Dear God, I hope you’ve been able to experience this. If not, re-evaluate life choices!) Well, I love that feeling. It’s a sign to me that I’m spending my time in such an involved way that I lose track. I want to experience that feeling all the time. I want that feeling to be the rule, not the exception.
As for the question “Why now?”, do I really need to justify that I want a break after being employed full-time for 23 years-and-change?
And will I be back? Who knows. Maybe I’m just burnt out and a recharge will do it. Maybe I’ll hate the constant sensation of timelessness. Maybe my family will experience a horrible calamity that makes solid health insurance my top priority.
Or maybe I hate the role Internet technology plays in our lives and I don’t want to be complicit any longer. Yes, I acknowledge I’m a giant hypocrite in this area and I don’t want to hear about how I’m typing this on an iPad or how I’m using Internet technology to organize my photo library or how I interact with my family on Facetime. But that’s also the point - technology should be applied to solving real problems. I’m typing on a iPad because it’s an efficient way to spread ideas (and my handwriting is garbage). I’m using published tools for my photo library so that my family has access to memories that they can cherish or share or learn from. I’m using Facetime to reinforce relationships. These are real outcomes that I value, I’m being deliberate in how I’m using technology to achieve them, and I’m fully aware of the cost of using that technology. Several weeks ago, I was very apprehensive…maybe even afraid. It’s a big change. How would people react? Am I really ready for this? What will I do? Is my lack of plan a problem? What message am I sending to my kids? But once I pulled the trigger and made it official, all of those concerns melted away like so much rendered lard. Those were simple the machinations of my rational mind trying to validate the emotional reaction I was having - the fear. (After reading The Righteous Mind, this process now makes TOTAL sense and I can’t stop seeing it everywhere.)
Now, all I feel is the anticipatory excitement that’s similar to the lead-up to a big vacation or interesting trip. I’m counting down the days (literally, that’s my virtual background for video calls) and already envisioning what life will be like. It’s amazing how fear curtails our cognitive capacity to see anything beyond the immediate threat.
I discovered another amazing paradox that I’ve found consistently in my (limited) career experience (DISCLAIMER: this advice probably doesn’t apply to huge swaths of the job industry…but it seems to work in mine): the more you say no; the more mindful you are about how you spend your time; the more you come into your own comfort about how you represent yourself; the more your GFF goes down for anything unrelated to your priorities; the more valuable everyone seems to think you are.
Every. Single. Time. I’ve taken the energy to reflect on my priorities as a human and decide how I want those priorities in how I spend my time at home and at work, I’ve found a huge leap forward, either through promotion and/or earnings and/or impact and/or reputation….often all of the above. And the benefits extend beyond the workplace; my relationships with my family and my friends have had similar improvements once I start putting up boundaries.
In my current running mental model for How The World Works (TM), this paradox makes TOTAL SENSE. All of life on this planet follows the same model. Every organism or super organism (a group of organisms cooperating to satisfy the needs of the larger entity) will continuously grow as a fundamental law of life. It will continuously grow until it runs into something that limits or halts its growth. Boundaries are life.
One more point I want to make about why I’m doing this: I don’t feel burnt out. I’m exhausted by the organizational dysfunction that leads to a lack of strategic vision that results in—to be scientific—systematic dumb shit everywhere, I know I can’t avoid it in life, but in the areas where I care the most, I can find places where I can feel empowered to be a positive force for improvement and motivated to do something about it. But this place (Cisco) is not that place, and probably never can be again.